How to Forgive: Forgiveness is a Choice

How To Forgive

…forgiveness is a choice

I've spent the last several days talking about how to forgive.  But I've found that it doesn't matter how much I teach on forgiveness, someone always stops me and says, Yes, that was great but HOW do I forgive?  I'm like...that's what I just talked about for the last three hours!  What didn't you get in all that?

What they seem to be looking for is the magic bullet that makes forgiveness easy. Maybe it's a part of living in our "just fix it" culture; we think that there is a pill for every disease. Just take two of these and your problems will be gone for good!  

People are waiting for me to get through all the hard stuff and then bring out the easy fix-it-all solution.

Forgiveness is a Choice

That would be nice. But relationships are hard. We are fragile beings. Offenses hurt...sometimes deeply.

There is no pill to solve your relational diseases. There are only choices. You can choose to hold onto  anger, bitterness, and resentment and fantasize about ways to retaliate (this, by the way, will consume the rest of your life)  or you can choose to rise above the offense and forgive your offender.

From there you have another choice;  either you work to restore the relationship or move on without the person.

Forgiveness Takes God

That sounds much simpler than it really is. Forgiveness is hard. It takes courage. It takes determination.  And because it's so hard I think it takes the power of God.  

Forgiveness is bigger than you or I, that is, true forgiveness...forgiveness that allows us to move on and even bless our offender.

The best that most of us can do is a.) raise walls to protect ourselves from being hurt again or b.) cut the person out of our lives.  But to be truly free and gracious involves the power of a loving God.

Choosing to forgive can be a minute by minute process. Resentment slips back in a heart beat. You must continually tell yourself "I won't embrace that bitter thought. I choose to let go of my anger". And you must continually ask God for help.  

Forgiveness is  proactive. It takes energy. But in the long run it takes less energy than all the work of bitterness. And there will come a day when you are finally free.

Question: Have you been able to forgive someone who hurt you deeply?  I'd love to hear about that.

Subscribe to readingremy.com and you will receive the first chapter to my book STUCK...how to overcome anger and reclaim your life, and an occasional blog post. Don’t worry. I won’t overwhelm your in-box. Click the button above to discover all my books, blogs, and coaching options to help you live a better life.