Loving Jesus, Leaving Church... How to Grow Your Faith Without Going to Church
Loving Jesus, Leaving Church
…how to grow your faith without going to church
Loving Jesus, Leaving Church... How to Grow Your Faith Without Going to Church
“Keep in mind the ultimate goal of a follower of Jesus: to become more like Him.”
In my previous post, I looked at whether or not a “good” Christian could not attend church. My conclusion was yes.
Don't get me wrong—I’m actually a huge fan of attending church. But only a healthy church. And unfortunately, those aren’t always readily available.
Too many unhealthy churches have scarred people and distorted the image of God, causing believers to deconstruct their faith or even walk away from it altogether. Their trust was broken.
I can’t tell you how upsetting this is to me. As a pastor who has sought for years to help people connect to a loving God, seeing these churches drive people away from God breaks my heart.
But this isn’t a new phenomenon.
When Leaders Fail, God Prevails
In the Old Testament, God spoke through the prophet Ezekiel to issue a scathing indictment against the shepherds (the leaders) of Israel.
You have not strengthened the weak or healed the sick or bound up the injured. You have not brought back the strays or searched for the lost. You have ruled them harshly and brutally. So they were scattered because there was no shepherd, and when they were scattered they became food for all the wild animals. - Ezekiel 34:4,5
These leaders had not only abandoned their duty to protect the people, they were actively exploiting them for their personal benefit.
God’s response was striking:
This is what the Sovereign Lord says: I myself will search for my sheep and look after them. As a shepherd looks after his scattered flock when he is with them, so will I look after my sheep. I will rescue them from all the places where they were scattered on a day of clouds and darkness. — Ezekiel 34:11-12
Essentially, God said, “If My leaders fail to lead my people well, then I will lead them Myself.”
People will often try to guilt or intimidate you into attending church—even a toxic one—by implying you can’t survive spiritually without a local pastor’s "covering." They are convinced that by stepping away, you are failing God. But God’s word in Ezekiel completely shatters that assumption.
Would it have been best if Israel’s earthly leaders had cared for their people? Of course. That’s the ideal. But where human leadership fails, God steps in.
When modern pastors and church leaders fail us, we can trust that God will be there for us—either to redirect us to a healthy community, or if necessary, to pastor us Himself.
Given this truth, what practical steps can you take to deepen your faith if you are currently churchless,
whether due to a lack of healthy options or the wounds of spiritual trauma?
Three Ways to Grow Spiritually (Without a Sunday Service)
Spending one or two hours in a church service once a week is the bare minimum required to develop your faith. In fact, it can easily lead to a passive spectator mindset rather than helping you to take personal responsibility for your spiritual growth. Yet, people will often credit you for simply showing up on Sunday, or conversely, judge you if you fail to meet their expectations.
As a pastor, I’ve seen plenty of people walk through the doors on Sunday, shake my hand, and thank me for my sermon—yet their lives outside of church never changed.
Keep in mind the ultimate goal of a follower of Jesus: to become more like Him.
If you are outside the traditional church structure right now, these three steps will help you achieve that goal.
1. Find Fellow Travelers
Research shows that meaningful relationships are the number one predictor of long-term faith—not attendance at a large church service. In fact, a gathering of believers as small as two or three is exactly what the New Testament recognizes as a church body. Jesus explicitly said:
For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them. — Matthew 18:20
Later, the apostle Paul told the believers in Corinth that they were God’s new temple:
Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst? -1 Corinthians 3:16
We often read this verse as speaking to individuals, but the “you” Paul uses here is plural. In modern English, he's saying, "All of you together are the temple." Church is not a brick-and-mortar building; it is the gathering of believers.
Hopefully, you’ve developed Christian friendships along your journey. Seek them out. Invite them to read the Bible, pray, or just hang out and do life together. You might be surprised by how many people are in your exact situation and would welcome the invitation.
In all my years of following Jesus, the most profound faith experiences I’ve had didn't happen from a stage on Sunday—they happened in small groups of believers. Finding your fellow travelers might be exactly what your soul needs.
2. Develop Spiritual Disciplines
One distinct advantage of attending a local church is that it offers a built-in rhythm of spiritual encounters: Sunday services, midweek studies, and service opportunities.
When you leave a traditional church, you are on your own to set that rhythm. Without that external structure, it is incredibly easy to drift, so you have to take the wheel and not rely on others. Consider what disciplines help you draw near to God and intentionally put them into action.
This will look different for everyone. What helps me connect with God may not be what works for you. You might consider fasting, silence, solitude, focused Bible study, prayer, meditation, nature walks, or practicing simplicity. Any practice that helps you focus your attention on God and learn His heart is a win.
If you don't know where to start, prioritize Scripture. Research shows that engaging with the Bible just four times a week is the single greatest predictor of spiritual growth.
If you need resources to guide you, I highly recommend three websites:
YouVersion Bible App: This is an incredible free app/website where you can choose any version of the Bible and get daily reading plans and a daily scripture verse with a brief devotional message. A great way to start your day. (Be sure to see my free booklet offer below, “The Bible in a Nutshell.”)
The Bible Project: This ministry offers podcasts, short animated videos, and free classes to deepen your scriptural knowledge.
John Ortberg: John offers deeply practical Bible teaching through his books, podcasts, and free study guides.
Ultimately, the goal of spiritual disciplines isn't to make you more religious or give you more head knowledge. God wants to change you from the inside out into someone who looks, walks, and loves like Jesus.
3. Seek Opportunities to Serve Others
Many people leave the local church simply because they are exhausted by the "program." When you are a new believer, weekly sermons are compelling and transformative. But over time, they can lose their novelty. You might begin to feel like you’ve heard it all before, leaving you wondering what's missing.
Often, this feeling isn't the fault of the church. It’s a sign of maturity. As you grow in faith, your spiritual appetite naturally shifts from gaining knowledge to serving others. You are meant to outgrow just being fed; you are meant to start serving others through generosity and love.
While churches offer plenty of volunteer slots, you don't need a church program to serve. Look around your city and the world. There are countless non-profits, food pantries, mentorship programs, and mission agencies that desperately need your hands and feet. It just takes some initiative on your part.
If you have a few fellow travelers to serve alongside, it’s even better. You might even choose to use the exact Sunday morning window you used to spend in a pew to go out and serve your community.
Moving Forward Without REligious Guilt
It is incredibly hard to free yourself from the expectations of religious people, especially if those people are in your family! But if you are in a season where traditional church attendance isn’t working for you, give yourself permission to breathe. Take a break. Reassess. God sees your heart, He knows your circumstances, and He cares about the health of your soul far more than He cares about an attendance record. Remember, He will be your shepherd.
The goal isn't to please other people. The goal is to keep pursuing Jesus and following in His footsteps.
My Hope for You
If you’ve been hurt by a church, I hope you find deep healing. Make that your priority right now, and take whatever time you need. God’s not in a hurry.
If you can’t find a healthy church near you, give it time. God will show you how to cultivate your faith right where you are.
My long-term hope for you is that you will eventually find a healthy, joy-filled local church where you can fully engage in worship, fellowship, and service. So much good can be accomplished when a large group of believers live together in true community. But thankfully, God is not limited by the traditional church —He can and will work with you exactly where you are today.
Until then, may God bless you as you continue to seek Him, love Him, and love the world around you.
My next post will take a deeper look at what helps people to grow spiritually. Be sure to subscribe below to get an alert when the post comes out.
My Prayer for You
Father, you know the heart of the person reading this today. You know exactly their situation, and you know the weight they’ve been carrying. They are looking for answers, clarity, and peace. Some have been deeply disillusioned by the church; some have been actively abused by leaders they trusted. Yet, their heart still beats to follow you. God, give them hope today. Give them clear direction. May they experience the tangible fruit of your Spirit in their lives this week, so that your joy can heal them and overflow to everyone they meet. Amen.
Jumpstart your Bible reading with my 23 page booklet, “The Bible in a Nutshell.” It will help you to understand the major themes of the Bible and where to start reading.
If your church experience has caused you to lose trust, consider my book, Broken Trust.
