Shame makes you Mistreat Yourself
shame makes you mistreat yourself
…find out why that is
“The sad thing is...you spend so many years in defeat you have no idea how to manage success.”
Shame obligates you to mistreat yourself
In my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past I wrote...
Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? You beg and plead with them to leave it and when they finally do you are thrilled. Now they can find a healthy person. But then, to your shock, within a week they are in another abusive relationship. Why do they do that? They don’t think they deserve anyone better.
Can you relate? I continue in the book…
But people don’t limit this behavior to relationships. They accept inferior jobs, inferior service at stores, inferior food at restaurants and inferior workmanship from contractors. They can’t find it in themselves to demand better because they are convinced that they don’t deserve it.
Shame Makes You Sabotage Yourself
It gets worse. Shame not only makes you accept the inferior, when you manage to find something good in life, shame causes you to sabotage it.
Sabotage is when you actually get something good in life but you find reasons to reject it. If you are given a nice present you might “accidentally” break it or lose it. If you find someone who really loves you, you might betray them or reject them before they reject you. If you land a great job you might get drunk and skip work for three days, hoping that they’ll fire you. Losing something good is painful but it is not as painful as the shame you feel for having things you don’t deserve.
Shame causes you to fear success
The sad thing is...you spend so many years in defeat you have no idea how to manage success. As much as you want it, long for it, fantasize about it...it scares you to death.
Defeat is your comfort zone and so you stay there.
Is there any hope for change? It requires a soul change...a spiritual and psychological reset.
But thankfully God is happy to give you what you need. If you are willing to listen to a New Voice and not the lies of shame then you have a great chance for change.
Overcoming the pain of shame is what I discuss in my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past where I look at not only the problem of shame, but the solution. Here is what one person wrote after reading the book:
As a person who has been through every recovery book known to man, who has lived life as an addict and been set free from a multitude of other spiritual strongholds, I thought I would read things in this book that were familiar concepts or things I had already mastered in previous recovery efforts. I never expected it to have the impact on my life that it did. It's one thing to be set free from destructive behaviors, it's another thing altogether to discover what beliefs and attitudes propelled the wrong behavior in the first place. That's exactly what this book does in an amazingly brilliant way.
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