Ten Reasons Bad Things Might Keep Happening To You
Ten Reasons Bad Things Might Keep Happening To You
I've run into countless people through the years who have had multiple bad things happen to them. Wherever they turn, something's always going wrong.
They feel marked, like there is a big target on their back. It's hard not for them to think that fate, God, or something is out to get them. So their question to me is - Why do bad things keep happening to me?
I put together a few answers for this question. It’s not an exhaustive list. I welcome your thoughts as well.
#1: The World Isn't Perfect: Bad Things Just Happen
The first thing to know is that the world we live in isn't perfect. Bad stuff just happens all the time…for some, more than for others.
There’s sickness, war, natural disasters, and there are people who are selfish and cruel. Nothing works perfectly all the time, so there will be pain. Sometimes a lot of pain.
But don't think that every bad thing has a secret meaning or that you're being punished. Sometimes things just happen randomly. Like if a storm comes and ruins your picnic. It's not because God is mad at you! It’s just the weather that day.
#2: You Make Bad Choices
Sometimes bad things happen because of something you decided to do. It shouldn’t be a mystery. But people are often surprised by the consequences of their actions. Why did you fail the test? You failed to study. Why did you get a ticket for DUI? You decided to drive after drinking. Why are you short on cash? You made a loan to someone you knew wouldn’t pay you back.
Consequences aren’t always immediate so you might fail to see the connection. When you get lung cancer at sixty, you might not want to admit that the habit you started in your teens led to this. It’s not bad luck. It’s a lifetime of choosing poorly.
#3: Your Friends Make Bad Choices
The Bible speaks to this. Let me quote a few verses for you.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm. Proverbs 13:20
The godly give good advice to their friends; the wicked lead them astray. Proverbs 12:26
Violent people mislead their companions, leading them down a harmful path. Proverbs 16:29
You get the idea. If you hang out with people who make bad choices, some of the consequences of those choices will roll over to you. Staying in or repeatedly entering into relationships with people who are unreliable, abusive, or negative can lead to ongoing stress and more bad experiences.
So it's important to choose your friends well and choose how much time you will spend with self-destructive family members. Setting good boundaries in your life will decrease your "bad luck".
#4: You Fail to Plan Ahead
You know the saying, "If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.” Sometimes bad things happen because we didn't think ahead about what might happen.
Imagine you have an important appointment, but you didn't check how to get there. If you get lost and miss it, is that just bad luck? Or did you fail to plan your trip very well?
Thinking ahead a little, and preparing for a downturn, can often stop bad things from happening.
#5: You Ignore Your Weaknesses
Have you ever said, "I didn't see that coming!" or "It took me by surprise!" or maybe, “I couldn’t help myself”? Really?
We all have weaknesses that will trip us up if we fail to anticipate a temptation. But many people fail to think through the downside to their weakness and put up the necessary protection to prevent bad things from happening.
For example, if you travel for work you should know that there will be sexual temptations that you need to prepare for. This should come as no surprise. You need a plan. Adultery doesn't just "happen.” It's a step by step process that can be averted.
But if that affair leads to a divorce it will in turn cause many other bad things to happen. None of it had to happen if you prepared yourself in the first place.
Read: Overcoming Temptation
#6: You Feel Sorry for Yourself and Self-Sabotage
Oftentimes, when bad things happen, people fall into a victim mentality. They feel hopeless in the face of some bad event. Then they let down their guard, and that’s when a series of bad things can happen.
A consistently negative outlook can sometimes lead to self-fulfilling prophecies. It’s a form of self-sabotage, where your negative attitude almost invites more bad things to happen to you.
It’s okay to grieve a loss, but don’t curl up into the fetal position. Get the help you need to fix what’s broken. This can be a spiritual moment where you call on God to show up in your life to help you.
Read: Victim Mentality: Who or What is Controlling You?
#7: You Hold Onto Anger
Being angry and not forgiving people is like holding onto something hot – it burns you. It doesn't always hurt the other person. Plus, your anger can lead to more bad things happening in your life.
But when you forgive people, it's like letting go of that hot thing. It sets you free to put a negative event in the past and move forward toward a better future.
Read: Defining Forgiveness - Six thing forgiveness is NOT
#8: You Engage in Risky Behavior
When you engage in activities with high levels of risk (e.g., substance abuse, reckless driving, etc.) it naturally increases the likelihood of bad things happening to you.
#9 You Fail to Set Healthy Boundaries
People who struggle saying "no" to requests or demands on them and who fail to protect their time and energy might find themselves overwhelmed and taken advantage of, leading to negative experiences.
They overextend themselves and find that they can’t juggle all the balls in the air like they thought they could.
Learning to set healthy boundaries for your life can b e a game changer. I have a series of posts to help you learn how to set boundaries that you might find helpful.
Read: Four Guidelines to Set Healthy Boundaries
#10 You Fail to Learn From Your Mistakes
Some people are just set in their ways and refuse to change. In AA they have a saying that goes:
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
So, if that’s your attitude, then bad things will keep happening.
Other Factors
Everything I’ve mentioned so far are factors in your control. Basically, I’m talking about thinking ahead, planning well, and making good choices.
But there are other factors outside of your control to be aware of. Here’s just a few:
Racism and discrimination against you.
Poverty and economic hardship.
Dangerous living areas with high crime
If you find yourself in a cycle of bad events, I hope this list will give you something to think about and consider if you can do anything to change the cycle.
Question: What are some other reasons that bad things might keep happening?
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