Complexity Requires Empathy

Complexity Requires Empathy

“It’s complicated.” That’s what we say when we don’t have the time to explain something or fully trust that our audience will appreciate the nuances of our situation. But appreciation, or empathy, is exactly what’s needed in complex situations. Complexity requires empathy. And the greater the complexity, the greater the amount of empathy that’s needed.

The Answer to Complexity Is Not Simplicity

Our country is facing numerous complex issues right now: abortion, gun and LGBTQ+ rights, racism, Covid, and unending political wars. Many people don’t want to deal with the complexity in resolving these issues. They don’t want to take the time to respectfully work through differences. Instead, they become dogmatic, black or white. It’s easier to reduce the issues to a poster or a sound bite. Even easier is to demonize their opposition, which leads to the polarization that we have in our country, families, friendships, offices, and churches right now. 

I don’t see this ending well. Do you?

So what is the answer?

The Answer to Complexity is Empathy

Empathy would go a long way in helping to dial down the rhetoric. A simple definition for empathy is having the ability to stand in the shoes of another person. Detach yourself from your context and imagine what it must be like to be someone else, in spite of your personal experience and beliefs. See what they see. Hear what they hear. Feel what they feel.

If you can’t imagine yourself in another context, listen to the stories of people unlike you. If you are white, talk to someone who is black. If you are gay, talk to someone who is straight. If you have never had an abortion, talk to someone who has.

If speaking to someone requires too much courage, then read books from different perspectives, or listen to podcasts, or watch documentaries to hear first hand accounts from people unlike yourself.

I Don’t Need Empathy If I’m Right

But you might say, “Why should I do this? I know I’m right. This is a no brainer. I don’t have to hear from anyone else.” Well, you may indeed be right, but it would still help to know where other people are coming from. Hear their story. Appreciate why they believe what they believe even if you can’t agree with them. 

To listen to a differing opinion doesn’t mean you have to agree with someone. It simply shows that you care about them as a human being. You aren’t as concerned about being right as you are concerned for the well-being of the other person. Empathy leads to peace.

What If You Are Wrong?

And then again, you might be wrong. How can you be a true believer if you aren’t willing to let your opinions and beliefs be challenged…if you haven’t seen the issue from all sides? Maybe you’ve only adopted the thoughts of someone else and never questioned if they were right.

There’s a story in the Bible that I reflect on a lot. It’s where some religious conservatives were convinced they were right about how to honor the Sabbath but Jesus proved them wrong. It starts like this…

One Sabbath Jesus was going through the grainfields, and as his disciples walked along, they began to pick some heads of grain. The Pharisees said to him, “Look, why are they doing what is unlawful on the Sabbath?” Mark 2:23,24

Pharisees were the religious conservatives of that day and the Sabbath was sacred to the Jews. The reason for this goes all the way back to the story of creation. On the seventh day God ceased. He stopped his work and called his people to do the same. There are numerous times God told his people to honor Him by ceasing from work on the seventh day of the week. It’s even listed as one of the Ten Commandments.

Jesus Did The “Wrong” Thing

The Pharisees caught Jesus cold in sin. This was a no brainer, no argument issue. Everyone knew the truth. Yet Jesus and his disciples had the nerve to pick and eat grain on the Sabbath. Jesus pushed back on their objection…

“The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath. So the Son of Man is Lord even of the Sabbath.” Mark 2:27,28

This was a mind blowing, blasphemous thing for Jesus to say. The Pharisees knew that they knew he was wrong. Jesus couldn’t be from God since he allowed “work” to be done on the Sabbath.

And then, in the very next story in the book of Mark, Jesus healed on the Sabbath. Another no-no. Jesus said to the Pharisees…

Which is lawful on the Sabbath: to do good or to do evil, to save life or to kill?” But they remained silent… Then the Pharisees went out and began to plot with the Herodians how they might kill Jesus. Mark 3:4,6

The Pharisees were right about the law but wrong about its application. These men were so convinced of their rightness that they were willing to kill for it. Sounds familiar. Scary stuff.

This story troubles me because there are issues that I KNOW to be true and I KNOW that I’m right. They are clearly stated in the Bible in black and white. But Jesus implied in these stories that even Bible rules can be changed if the rules hurt people rather than help them.

Complexity Requires Humility

My point is that for those of us who are convinced that we know the truth, we should take a breath and realize that … we could be wrong. I know you may not like to hear that. No one does. But understanding our fallibility is key to maintaining a humble heart. And a humble heart will want to hear the stories of people, even people we disagree with, because we might learn something from them. We might learn that we are wrong, or at least, learn to have compassion for people who walk in different shoes than we do. 

Perfect Harmony Isn’t Happening

Complex issues aren’t going away. If anything, they will increase. A day is not coming, in this life, when everyone will “see the light” and live in perfect harmony. We can’t let the hostility continue to escalate. We have to find a way to dialogue and respect each other if we want to survive as a country. Christians need to lead the way.

I find it interesting that when people asked Jesus to name the most important law in the Old Testament, he didn’t mention any issue of the day. He said the most important law was to love God and to love others as yourself. That tells me that our primary goal in all things is to maintain our relationships if possible. Put the other person first and the issue at hand, a distant second.

My Challenge For You

I want to challenge you today: will you give up your need to be right and choose to love others instead? That’s how we will unwind the polarization that we’ve all experienced over these past few years. Will you take some time to at least hear another perspective with an open mind in order to appreciate where other people are coming from? Can you show some compassion for what others are facing and seek to understand why they believe what they believe? 

The apostle Paul offered simple advice for us to follow…

Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone. Colossians 4:6 NIV

Something needs to change in our country to turn us from where we are headed. It can start with you and me.

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