tragedy, loss — Tragedy and Loss

… facing the questions that haunt you.

When tragedy strikes, certain questions naturally follow:

Why me?
What did I do to deserve this?
If God is good, how can this happen?
How can I go on?
Will life ever make sense again?

Your world is blown apart and your brain desperately tries to make sense of it. It wants answers. Reasons. It wants to regain control.

Does Tragedy Happen for a Reason?

People like to say that "everything happens for a reason" because, in their mind, that makes it "okay." It puts the pieces of the puzzle back together and makes the world good again.

But it's not good. It's not okay. It's awful. It's gut-wrenching. You've lost something dear to you and you can't put a bow on it and make it all better. You might be able to force the pieces back together with simplistic answers and worn out clichés and religious platitudes. But if you look closely the pieces don't match. You’ve distorted the picture. It's not true to life. It's denial.

You Don't Want An Answer for Tragedy

I'd like to suggest that you really don't WANT answers to the questions that tragedy brings. Why? Because if there were answers to those questions that would mean that what you experienced wasn't truly a tragedy. There is a rational reason for it. It can be easily explained.

Trust me, you don't want an answer. It's good to ask those questions because asking them is a part of the grief process. But the minute you come up with an answer you've just cheapened whatever, or whomever, it was, that you lost. You've justified the loss in your mind when there is no justification for it.

Death, divorce, suicide, betrayal, cancer, war... The only reason bad things happen is that we live in a broken world. Because of that, there are no guarantees in life. Bad things will happen to good people. Just be thankful they don't happen more than they do.

God Can Bring Good Out of Tragedy

Some people like to say that "everything happens for a reason" to give God an "out." They try to cover for him and act like there is a grand design. I don't think God needs our help.

Now, God can make good out of any tragedy. He can take the broken pieces and make a mosaic of beauty out of them. But that's different from God bringing evil into your life to "teach you something." No, God might teach you something out of a disaster, but he doesn't bring a disaster to teach you something.

If you are a parent you can understand this. What parent plots evil for their children to teach them a lesson? No, good parents are there to comfort their child in a crisis and help them to overcome the crisis and hopefully learn from it.

Trust the Grief Process

If you are suffering from a significant loss, I want to encourage you to ask the tough questions. But I also want to caution you not to cling to easy answers that only lead to denial. Know that the pain you feel is because something precious was ripped from you. Don't let a simplistic "answer" stunt your healing. Embrace the pain and let God bring you through to the other side of it. This is what the resurrected life is all about: bringing life to what we thought was certainly dead. And one day, the Bible assures us that God will make everything right:

He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and there will be no more death or sorrow or crying or pain. All these things are gone forever. Revelation 21:4

If you are suffering a season of loss, you might be interested in reading my book: Return from Exile...overcoming loss, failure, and personal setbacks. It offers 40 meditations on how to recover from loss and reclaim your life. Your life will never be the same, but it can be good again.

Tragedy and Loss: Facing the Questions That Haunt You

Does Tragedy Happen for a Reason?

You Don't Want An Answer for Tragedy

God Can Bring Good Out of Tragedy

Trust the Grief Process

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