Grieving the Loss of My Mother

Grieving the loss of my mother

Grieving the loss of my mother isn't something I was fully prepared for. I guess we never are.

Mom passed away last week after 93 very active years. The week before she died my mom held an all-family reunion. She and everyone there knew it would probably be the last time we saw her. We just didn't know how quickly she would leave us.

The rhythm of life and death

I left my mom just a few days before she died and I sensed she didn't have much time. On the flight home I read a poem about Sabbath and it seemed like it might be foreshadowing what was to come.  It speaks of fall but it speaks of death in general.

Following is the second half of the poem...

It seems cruel

  that something that used to be so beautiful

    should fall to the ground

      sinking into the earthy mud

        along with everything else that is dying,

         no longer recognizable for what it used to be.

It seems cruel but it is the way of things.

One generation gives its life for the next.

   One season slips away so another can come.

      One crop of fruit falls from the tree so that more can be born.

         One wave recedes while another gathers strength to crash upon the shore.

It seems cruel

    but it is the rhythm of things

               and rhythm has its own beauty.

                                                            from Sabbath in Late Fall by Ruth Haley Barton

This seemed so appropriate after having just been at a reunion that was marked by a new generation of children.

The ideal death still hurts

My mom died under almost ideal conditions. She lived a long life (93). She died in her sleep. She got to say good-bye to almost everyone important to her. She had a reunion and one last cross-country adventure weeks before she died. Any one of us would sign up for the way she left this world.

Yet even under "ideal" conditions it's still a loss. I saw it coming but it still hurts.

That's true of any loss. To the degree your life wraps around something, to that same degree it hurts when it's gone from your life. It must be so hard when people lose someone when it's anything less than ideal.

There are times when I feel fine. I'm grateful for how things ended up. But in spite of that, waves of sadness hit me unexpectedly. I'm sure that will be true for some time.  I crave family now and friends. Just being with them helps the process.

I'm sure I'll have more thoughts in days to come. But I'm interested in how you may have grieved the loss of your mom or dad. Leave a comment below. Thanks.

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