Shame Makes You Mistreat Yourself

Shame obligates you to mistreat yourself. In Healing the Hurts of Your Past I wrote…

Shame: Self Sabotage

Shame: Self-Sabotage

Have you ever known someone who was in an abusive relationship? You beg and plead with them to leave it and when they finally do you are thrilled. Now they can find a healthy person. But then, to your shock, within a week they are in another abusive relationship. Why do they do that?  They don’t think they deserve anyone better.

Can you relate?

But people don’t limit this behavior to relationships. They accept inferior jobs, inferior service at stores, inferior food at restaurants and inferior workmanship from contractors. They can’t find it in them to demand better because they are convinced that they don’t deserve it. 

Shame Makes You Sabotage Yourself

It gets worse. Shame not only makes you accept the inferior, when you manage to find something good in life, shame causes you to sabotage it.

Sabotage is when you actually get something good in life but you find reasons to reject it. If you are given a nice present you might “accidentally” break it or lose it. If you find someone who really loves you, you might betray them or reject them before they reject you. If you land a great job you might get drunk and skip work for three days, hoping that they’ll fire you. Losing something good is painful but it is not as painful as the shame you feel for having things you don’t deserve. 

The sad thing is…you spend so many years in defeat you have no idea how to manage success. As much as you want it, long for it, fantasize about it…it scares you to death. Defeat is your comfort zone and so you stay there.

Is there any hope for change? It requires a soul change…a spiritual and psychological reset. But thankfully God is happy to give you what you need.  If you are willing to listen to a New Voice and not the lies of shame then you have a great chance for change.

Leave a comment below and I’ll send you my free e-book, Forgiven…once and for all. This will expose you to how God loves and values you. If you like what you read then you might want to consider reading Healing the Hurts of Your Past.


6 thoughts on “Shame Makes You Mistreat Yourself

  1. Mark Craker

    It is true. God is happy to give you what you need, if you are willing to listen to a new voice, and not the lies of shame. I am 51 years old and have struggled my whole life with the lies of shame. Then I discovered your book, Healing the Hurts of your Past. This book gave me greater insight to Gods word and through this process I began to hear a new voice, the voice of my father God. I am starting to heal, I am beginning to understand things about my life that were so dark and so confusing for so long. The morning after completing your book,, I woke up very early and just felt so compelled to write down my thoughts. These thoughts I now refer to as “My wake up call.”
    These hurts are based on lies but Gods truth is based on love. And the truth is that I am wonderfully made, an heir to the kingdom of God with my brother Christ Jesus who is in fact my Lord and Savior. And because of his sacrifice on the cross I now have access to my creator God and an eternal home in heaven. I have now been accepted I have been approved I am loved.
    Thank you Father for Remy and for his book, Thank you for loving us so much that when we are lost and broken you lead us home with that new voice.

  2. JL Grabowski

    Love this: “you spend so many years in defeat you have no idea how to manage success. … Defeat is your comfort zone and so you stay there.” So true, and why we need to seek God for victory.

  3. Pam Matthews

    I don’t understand why it has taken so long to find out the mistake of being told “Shame on you”. I was told that growing up and proceeded to tell my children and grandchildren. I thought that was the response to a deed that needed correcting. Now I find out all the tentacles it has on people’s lives. It makes me what to cry.

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