We are past the one-third mark in our journey out of exile (a 40 day journey). I’ve looked at what exile is and how we get there. I’m currently talking about the losses that get us into exile and keep us there.
On Day Fifteen I talked about the loss of personal trauma and the loss of control and safety that follows in its wake. That same day I received an email from a friend of mine whose son was diagnosed with brain cancer last year. He had a tumor removed successfully but this year has been a trying time as they’ve worked their way through both radiation and chemo treatments.
One moment I am overwhelmed with thankfulness, the next filled with disappointment.
I thought her expression of the pain and joy of this year captured the essence of what it means to be in exile:
Life is full of blessings and heartaches. At times I look at my son and feel joy and praise the progress he has made. Moments later I look at his precious bald head and am filled with the deepest sadness I have ever felt thinking of all he has been through and still must endure.
One moment I feel my plate is full, the next I am begging God to show me my purpose in life. One moment marriage feels deep, right and intimate, the next it feels like more than I have to give. One moment my heart is full of the deepest love for my boys, the next irritation and frustration arise because the mom responsibilities feel too much.
One moment God feels so close with my faith expanding beyond what I ever could have imagined, the next fear overwhelms and grips me to the core. One moment I am overwhelmed with thankfulness, the next filled with disappointment.
Persevering this journey is hard. Almost a year later I am left to truly depend on God’s promises that he will be strong enough and loving enough to grow me up through this journey and that all things will work for the good for those who love the Lord.