Category Archives: twelve steps

Are You Worthless or Just Flawed?

Do you feel worthless? In my book, Healing the Hurts of Your Past, I talk about the pain of shame. Shame is the feeling that comes over a person who feels worthless. It can cripple you.

worthless

Shame is rooted in the lies you believe about yourself. A lie that many believe is that they are worthless.  They see a flaw, an imperfection, or defect in themselves and take the flying leap of logic that: if they are flawed they have no value. It often causes them to give up. That’s a huge mistake. 

The truth is: we are all flawed. No one is perfect. We all wrestle with something.  Knowing this doesn’t fix your flaws but it helps defeat another lie: that YOU are the only one with a problem, which leads to another lie: YOU don’t fit in. Everyone else has their act together. YOU are a misfit. So it helps to know we share a common problem.

Flawed, yes. Worthless, no.

We are all flawed, it’s just not so obvious because many people are very good at covering up their flaws. But don’t be fooled. You are not alone. 

The Bible tells us that something happened to us all.  We lost something.  Something’s missing. It’s been that way from the beginning of time.  That’s not a lie. That’s the truth.   But there’s no need to beat ourselves up, or each other, about it.  

The best thing we can do is admit that we are flawed: all of us. Admit our weaknesses and then come together to support each other, asking for God’s help.  We create a community of brokenness that is on the mend. This is what the Bible calls the church (but I don’t know if church people always understand that). 

I want to encourage you today: don’t let your shame cause you to go into hiding. Face the truth. Admit your flaws to God and others. Most importantly…invite God to speak the truth of his unconditional love into your life. His truth will melt the lies of shame and allow you to take back your life.

Loved Before You Were Born

Loved by God

You were loved by God before you were born.

In attempting to describe unconditional love I often refer to the love of a parent. If you are a parent you’ll get this. When does a parent first love the child? When it’s born?  When it becomes viable in the womb? When it was conceived?  

Most parents tell me that they loved their child even before conception. They loved the child even when it was a hope or a dream in their mind.

I can  tell you when you didn’t first love your child. It wasn’t when they performed well for you! Some parents might wait a lifetime for that!  Think of the first year…lots of diapers and late night feedings. Not much performance to get excited about there. Or think as they grow…all of those household chores and lawnmowings that they never did or did well. Imagine a parent that withheld their love waiting for their child to reach a certain level of achievement.

Loved by God

If we, as humans, can offer unconditonal love for our children…how much more can God?  The Bible tells us this…

Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:4-6, The Message

The heart of understanding your inherent value in life lies in understanding that you are loved by God apart from what you do. Period. You are loved by God. Let that sink in and stop protesting by saying “but what about…”.

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Learn more about God’s love for us in Healing the Hurts of Your Past