Admitting is the First Step to Change

I’m a change dealer, so to speak. Wherever I go, whomever i speak to, it’s usually to help people make a change for the better. It’s a good trade. I enjoy it.admitting

One thing I hear myself talk about a lot is the need to admit…FULLY admit…the problem. It’s human nature to cover up our mistakes, or to at least minimize them. But you only hurt yourself by doing that. As painful as it is at first, you need to put everything on the table if you want to make a change.

I’ve written about the importance of admitting in past posts (see links below) but let me add a few more thoughts today. Admitting to yourself that you have a problem is one issue. Today I want to talk about the importance of admitting to others.

Five Reasons to Fully Admit Your Mistakes.

1. Not telling the truth destroys trust. We tend to shave the truth, that is, to minimize it. Why tell ALL the truth when you can save face and only tell half of it?  One reason is for your own peace of mind. God knows the truth and when you minimize what happened you have to live with the guilt of your cover-up. But another reason is people WILL find out the truth eventually. And when they do, their anger will be rekindled…now TWICE as much as before. You broke trust before, but when you “told the truth” they thought they could trust you. When they find out you held back the truth you may never regain their trust. Is it worth it?

2. It’s always better for YOU to be the bearer of bad news. You don’t want your friends and family hearing about what you did from others. When your friends and family hear things through the grapevine that you should have told them, it breaks trust and adds to the offense. It would have been so much better if you just told the truth up front. 

…when you tell ALL the details, you show people that you are serious about coming clean.

3. When you admit more than you think you need to admit, you build credibility with people. People will recognize that you didn’t “have to” tell them all the details. You could have skipped some of the details and no one would have known. But when you tell ALL the details, you show people that you are serious about coming clean. You aren’t protecting your image. You are pursuing truth no matter what the cost is to you. 

4. Fully admitting shows people that you are a new person. They are used to hearing half-truths and rationalizations.  They expect it. That’s your M.O. But when they see you going out of your way to tell the truth it takes the relationship to a whole new level because they realize that you must be a new person. You are no longer hiding behind lies. You are no longer trying to manipulate them. They can finally relate to you without questioning your motives. That’s refreshing!

5. Finally, telling the whole truth is cleansing. Once you tell the truth you don’t have to carry the weight of a cover-up. You are free. You don’t have to fear your secret getting out because it’s out. And the relationships you now have are free from deception. You can experience true intimacy and joy because you aren’t haunted by the lies you’ve told. You can be confident that people love YOU, warts and all, not a fabrication of the person you’ve presented through your stories and lies.

If you are looking to make a fresh start in life, spend a good amount of time on the front end: admitting. The better job you do at admitting, the better your recovery will be over all.

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3 thoughts on “Admitting is the First Step to Change

  1. Mark Craker

    Thank you Remy, praying for this kind of change in our Valleybrook Church. Wish we could have heard you speak yesterday. We appreciate all that you do.

    Mark Craker

  2. Dawn Kluver

    Great article. I’ve experienced the damage of telling partial truth for one reason or another. All it does is delay personal growth and healing– and cause more pain.

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